my mini research project can you grade it ex:check grammer, punctuation. i sorta need help?
Written on April 29, 2009 – 5:19 pm | by Drug Abuse Help
Have you ever wondered how many teenagers attempt suicide every year and succeed? Well, suicide is the third-leading cause of death between the ages of 15 to 24 year olds. Most teenagers who’ve attempted suicide say they only did it beacuse they were trying to escape from a situation and wanting to get rid of the pain, suicide seemed like the only solution to them. Most of you might be thinking why do some teenagers handle their problems better without thinking of suicide and others with the same problems think negative, not positive? The answer to this question lies on depression.
Being a teen is not easy. Its the years they begin to discover themselves and struggle with their body image. Some teens have trouble learning and paying attention in school which might affect they’re future. By that they might feel dissapointed in themselves or feel they are a dissapointment to others, such as family members and friends. This can lead to depression if they dont get help and just put up with it for a long time. We all struggle through pain and diffuculties in life, but how do people get through it without becoming depressed? Well, you can stay connected with your family and your friends etc. and talk about whats going on thats bothering you and how your feeling. When a person struggling in life has one person who believes in them, wants the best for them in life, it could help the person deal with problems easier. It can also help when they think about that most problems are temporary and can be left in the past.
Despression is very common and affects many as 1 in 8 in their teenage years. There is no cause for depression. Many things play a role like their life, their enviroment, and the way people react to things that happen in their life. Teenage years can be filled with growth, expectations, and discoveries. But it can also be a time of stress, as those growing pains can be very painful at times. 7-14% of children will experience major depression before the age of 15. 20-30% of adult bipolar patients report having their major depression before the age of 20.
Drugs and alcohol come into the picture when someone is depressed.
Cutting is 1 way people try to cope with the pain. Some people cut to express strong feelings of rage, sorrow, rejection, desperation, or emptiness. Wanting to runaway from home can also happen when someone is depressed. Runaway teenagers often end up homeless, stealing, or selling drugs or sex to make money. Every year only in the United States more than 5,000 runaway teenagers die in the streets. Reason’s why teenager’s often runaway is because there’s abuse, physical, sexual, and emotional. Family problems, problems in school or with friends. Some runaway because alcohol or drugs. Or they just want to be with someone. If you or someone you know want’s to runaway someday contact (800) RUNAWAY or (800) 786-2929.
If you or someone you know wants to commit suicide get help as soon as possible. In an emergency call (800) SUICIDE or (800) 999-9999.
first its my introduction
then its my first paragraph coping with problems
3rd talks about depression
4th teenagers using drugs and alcohol (i need mroe information to finish that paragraph please and thankyou
5th teenagers hurting themselves (need more info)
6th information on how to get help (need more information also)
swiimmer4life said:
Apr 29, 09 at 3:01 amMost teenagers who’ve attempted suicide say they only did it beacuse they were trying to escape from a situation and wanting to get rid of the pain, suicide seemed like the only solution to them.
Change beacuse to because
Its the years they begin to discover themselves and struggle with their body image.
Change Its to It’s
We all struggle through pain and diffuculties in life, but how do people get through it without becoming depressed? Well, you can stay connected with your family and your friends etc.
Take out ect. it is slang
Drugs and alcohol come into the picture when someone is depressed.
take this sentence out, it is out of place.
Cutting is 1 way people try to cope with the pain. Some people cut to express strong feelings of rage, sorrow, rejection, desperation, or emptiness.
Try to expand more on this like you did with the runaway teens, maybe statistics?
Other than that you are great! Keep up the good work.
Bathed_in_your_radiance__I_melt_ said:
Apr 29, 09 at 9:01 amOkay, well this took me no more than about an hour. You probably won’t even feel like correcting all of this, but you asked, so here it is:
First, I suggest that you write out some of your numbers.
"Cutting is 1 way" looks extremely unprofessional on a research paper as opposed to "Cutting is one way".
The only numbers it makes more sense to write numerically in a research paper are ones that contain three digits or more. (ie. 872, 7,321, 84,954, etc.) And ones that are easy to write out, such as "five thousand", I would also suggest doing so.
And never start a sentence with a number. It is grammatically incorrect:
"…before the age of 15. 20-30% of adult bipolar patients…"
The correct way would be: "Twenty to thirty percent of adult bipolar patients…"
—
Also, spelling and grammar mistakes: [This is in addition to what swimmer said by the way, so fix all of what she said, too. I just didn’t include them because this thing is damn long as it is.]
1. "third-leading"
Change it to: "third leading".
2. "…between the ages of 15 to 24 year olds." doesn’t make sense.
Change it to: "…between the ages of fifteen and twenty-four."
3. This is a run-on sentence. "…wanted to get rid of the pain, suicide seemed like…"
Get rid of the comma. Change it to: "…wanted to get rid of the pain. Suicide seemed like…"
4. "Most of you might be thinking why do some teenagers handle their problems better without thinking of suicide and others with the same problems think negative, not positive?"
Change to: "A lot of people wonder why some teenagers handle their problems without thinking of suicide, while others with the same problems think negative, not positive."
[Don’t pretend you are speaking to an audience in a research paper. Don’t ask questions, give facts. A question works for the opening sentence because it interests the reader in your paper, but that’s the only time you can do it. Afterwards, it looks too repetitive, and misses the whole point of research — facts.]
5. "…might affect they’re future."
Change: "they’re" to "their".
6. "We all struggle through pain and diffuculties in life,…"
Change: The word "diffuculties" to "difficulties".
7. "…talk about what’s bothering you and how your feeling."
Change: "your" to "you’re".
8. "…who believes in them, wants the best for them in life…"
Delete the comma. It doesn’t belong. Replace it with the word "and". Take out the phrase "in life" because you already mentioned it earlier in this sentence.
9. "…deal with their problems easier."
Replace "easier" with "more easily".
10. "It can also help when they think about that most problems are temporary and can be left in the past."
Doesn’t make sense. Replace "think about" with "remember".
11. "…affects many as…"
Change to: "…affects as many as…"
12. "Many things play a role like…"
Change to: "However, many things play a role, such as,…"
13. "Teenage years can be filled with growth, expectations, and discoveries. But it can also be a time of stress, as those growing pains can be very painful at times."
Change to: "Although, teenage years can be filled with growth, expectations, and discoveries, they can also be a time of stress, as those growing pains can be very painful at times."
14. "…at times. 7-14% of children…".
Same thing as I said before. Don’t start a sentence with a number. Replace it with "…at times. Seven to fourteen percent of children…"
15. "Wanting to runaway…"
The word "runaway" can either be a noun or an adjective. You want to use it as a verb, therefore it is NOT one word, it is two, and should read "Wanting to run away…"
16. "Runaway teenagers often end up homeless, stealing, or selling drugs or sex to make money."
Change to: "Runaway teenagers often end up homeless, stealing, selling drugs, or having sex to make money."
— By the way, in this sentence, "runaway" is used as an adjective. Now you can see what I meant above ^___^
17. "Every year only in the United States more than 5,000 runaway teenagers die in the streets."
Take out the word "only" and add a comma after "year" and another one after "States".
18. "Reason’s why teenager’s often runaway is because there’s abuse, physical, sexual, and emotional. Family problems, problems in school or with friends."
Change to: "Reasons why teenagers run away usually have to do with physical, sexual, emotional, and verbal abuse in their lives. Also, family problems, problems in school, or with friends could be the result of such actions."
– I added verbal as another example because it also is true, but your decision if you want to use it or not.
19. "Some runaway because alcohol or drugs. Or they just want to be with someone."
Change to: "Some run away because of their addiction to alcohol or drugs, or simply because of the fact that they just want to be loved and understood by somebody."
– I changed the last sentence because "to be with someone" didn’t sound very specific and would be confusing to the reader. There are many ways in which you could "be with someone".
20. "If you or someone you know want’s to runaway someday contact…"
Change to: "If you or someone you know wants to run away, contact…"
Take out "someday" because that refers to the future, and the verb "wants" refers to the present. The two don’t make sense together.
21. "If you or someone you know wants to commit suicide get help…"
Add a comma after "suicide".
And that’s it. Would have been easier if you like sent this thing to me and I could just correct it myself ;p But hope I helped.
Hunter_W said:
Apr 29, 09 at 10:17 pmActually, i have read this over three times. you are all good!