I Desperately Crave A Baby. I Know I Am To Young. What Can I DO?
Written on November 5, 2009 – 8:11 pm | by Drug Abuse Help
This is a really long question sorry
i am really desperate for a baby, i think about it almost constantly, i cant get it out of my head. Little things trigger it off and then i cant stop thinking about it, like seeing a packet of baby wipes litteral everything makes me want one more. I have even bought books about pregnancy.This has been going on for about a year now. Nearly all day i sit and plan my life with my baby and what it would be like etc.
The issue is am only 15, and i am to young and not obviously financially stable to have a child and i wonder if me so desperatly wanting a baby is me really wanting something else.
I am quite an intelligent girl, expected all A’s and B’s in my GCSES, and i am taking my maths and english gcse’s early in november this year i also have quite alot of life experiance, probably more than the average teen,(my mum and dad were/are both drug addicts) my mum has been clean for 3 years though but my dad has made it very clear he wants nothing to do with me. I have lived in crack and smack houses, with prostitutes wondering in and out dealers and addicts walking in at all hours seen people abuse drugs, even seen someone benstabbed. Despite this i have had a great childhood as my nana and grandad have given me the best life possible when i moved in with them when i was 7. I wouldnt change my upbringing for anything as it has made me a stronger person, and i wouldnt want a different mother, i love her so much, she is my best friend
i hang around with a popular set of girls, although i dont feel that close to any over them. They all have boyfriends, but i do not. This does bother me alot but when/if boys are interested they lose interest and usually end up with one of my friends because i am so shy and cant let my personality come out.
I also have depression and severe anxiety. I would like to think that i have alot of friends as i try my hardest for people to like me, but that is only with people i know well.
I think this is linked to my anxiety but i wont even dare to have facebook or msn or anything along those lines as i am worried people will think "why has she got that" etc.
i really just this think a baby would ake me happier, i understand it would be very difficult, but i cant see me in the next couple of years without a child. can anyone offer me any solutions, or perhaps ways to make me stops craving a baby sooo much
thankyou
xXBeautiful_DisasterXx said:
Nov 05, 09 at 1:30 amYour depression has left you insecure, and self conscious. You crave a child who will love and need you indefinitely, and that you can care for and give a great life to. But, as you know, are far too young and unstable at the moment. It sounds as if in a few years time you’d make a great mother, so if you can’t forget this desire, don’t fight it. For now though, focus on having a great life. Whether or not you have a boyfriend shouldn’t determine how you feel about yourself. Having friends is an important part of life, so maybe a start would be finding others that you have more in common with, and bond over a shared hobby or interest. This should build up your confidence and allow you to develop. You should carry on with education for as long as you can, because it’ll mean you can give yourself and any family members the best possible life.
Enjoy your life and live it to the fullest. Nobody is telling you that you can’t have a child, but there are certain aspects which you would not cope well with at this point in your life. Perhaps seek advice from your grandmother who has brought up a child, as well as bringing you up. If you feel this is taking over your life, call a charity like Childline, talk to your GP, or perhaps seek councelling.
L said:
Nov 05, 09 at 2:34 amHeya sorry to hear you have had a tough upbringing in the sense of your mum and your dad, it is great you had your grandparents there. I think the depression and anxiety relate to your upbringing with your parents and it seems to me that possibly the reason you may want a baby so badly is because you would like to love and care for it and give it the upbringing you never received from your mum and dad.
I would say you are certainly too young, however it seems you are very grown up and are looking for a way to understand your feelings. I would suggest you try and undertake some form of counselling, perhaps speak to your grandparents and ask them to help organise it or ask a teacher at school if they can help.
Hang in there. What you are feeling is completely normal for your situation. xx
miss_smiley said:
Nov 05, 09 at 5:18 amokay i have the exact same story as you except i was placed with my auntie…i do as well want a baby but i have too go back and think is this going to affect my education…ummm i would say wait a few more years so you can have more to offer your baby wouldnt you want your baby to have more then what u had when you were with your parents…i would say just wait and to calm your baby cravings ask around volinteer at day cares so you can be around babys but not have one you are young ummmm if you need anything email me Lil_vera@yahoo.com
somegirl said:
Nov 05, 09 at 6:43 amDon’t let anyone tell you that having a child will ruin your life or make you miserable. Having a baby could in fact make you happier, but I also do believe that you may only feel this desperate need to have a child now because of how you were brought up. My mother had me when she was 17. She tells me her parents didn’t want her and she really just wanted a family, someone to love and to love her. You could also want a child simply because of the stage of your life. i remember a period in my life where all i wanted was to be married. i read books and mags on it. planned it out, dreamt of being a bride, and I think that is completely normal.
I don’t know of the best solution, but perhaps some volunteer work would be a good idea. And it also looks greta on a resume!!
The best of luck sweetie and I am truly sorry about your parents! I know you will make a wonderful mother….one day!
xxxEmmaxxx said:
Nov 05, 09 at 6:54 ami can totally relate to you, im all ways thinking about children. difference is im 18 and have a long term boyfriend
i haven’t got 1 yet, but the only reason i haven’t is its a life long thing. an once it’s done theirs no turning back. i know how cute and everything it is. i walk past nappies and it makes me what one.
try going into health and social care it’s a lot about children and you get to do work experience with children. if it doesn’t help you wanting one it will give you experience when you do become a mum.
if your clever don’t waste that, try going into a carer like midwifery or nursery work. also try baby sitting.be strong and provide a secure and stable life for your child before you bring it into the world.
good luck what ever you choose to do
x
Jai said:
Nov 05, 09 at 7:18 amI’m so glad that you recognise this isn’t the greatest idea, even though you really want one. A baby is the greatest thing in the world, but it’s at least 1000 times harder than you think it will be. Please, please wait a while.
Couple of suggestions: babysitting, help at a childcare centre, something to keep you around children. You’ll get the pleasure of the children without a lifelong commitment.
If you want to be put off having kids, you could try this. Get a tape or CD of a really annoying noise. A baby crying would be ideal, but anything annoying will do. Stay up for 72 hours, napping for no more than 30 minutes at a time, and play the CD every time you wake up for at least 20 minutes. Okay, it’s extreme. But honestly, this is what you will go through if you have a baby. Any parent of a baby will tell you the same - the worst bit is the sleep deprivation makes you feel as if you are losing your mind.
I know you think you understand how hard this would be, but I promise you don’t. You can’t know until you go through it.
Listen, you sound like a nice person. I’m sure you will make a great mum one day. Do you want to be a great mum? Do you want to give your child the best start in life? If so, wait awhile. If not for you, for your child.
proud_mum_of_a_happy_2_year_old said:
Nov 05, 09 at 10:34 amWOW huni u have been through so much in your short life, and you should be the proudest person on the planet right now, ur a very bright intelligent young lady and i bet ur mum and grand parents are very proud of you, if you had been my daughter i know id be very proud of you, and you know what there is nothing wrong with wanting a baby at your age, and your smart enough to know that now isnt the right time for you, which shows your maturity, you will make a fantastic mum one day, and if you were to have a kid now, you’d still be a fantastic mum, so here is something for you to think about, stick in at school get great qualifications that you are working towards, and get a great job, because when you do have children when your older, you as their mummy will be able to provide the lifestyle that you would have craved as a child, you should do some charity work for childrens charities, for kids that are going through what you have been through because you have turned out a fantastic young lady.
Chin up sweety you ever need to chat add me to your contacts.
Goodluck hunny xxx
Mrs_T___Ellie_is_due_20th_Jan_ said:
Nov 05, 09 at 1:26 pmHey hun, I reckon your anxiety and depression and the desire to have a baby to love and care for stems from your childhood. You should go to your GP and they should refer to the psychiatry team. Thats what i did, I used something called cognitive behavoural therapy and I have been alot better ever since - this should help with your anxiety and depression. Dont be ashamed of it hun, you have been so brave and opened up to the people on here about your feelings, thats a big step, its very hard to admit that something is wrong when you feel depressed. The "baby bell" as I call it never really went away for me, it was always there, i just tried to distract myself with work and planning my wedding, it didnt stop ringing until I fell pregnant lol But unlike you, it started when I was about 22 years old. By then I had a long term boyfriend (now husband) had finished uni and college and was planning on moving in together. Its really really hard, but try to get through your education first, in the long run, it means you can provide better for your baby and a roof over its head, makes things easier for you too.
Also, there is nothing wrong about not having a boyfriend at 15, you are still very young. Also, NO ONE will think "why has she got a facebook and msn?" infact, its a great way to keep in touch with your friends. You dont have to be super popular to have a facebook or msn
Stonle said:
Nov 05, 09 at 1:55 pmhaving a baby won’t make you happier, it will make you miserable.
Go volunteer at a daycare or something and you’ll be able to satisfy your need to be around little kids.
the_emrod said:
Nov 05, 09 at 2:31 pmGet a doll instead.
Seto_Kaiba said:
Nov 05, 09 at 2:34 pmhaving a baby wont make you happier its just that because of your parents you want something that you can control and you can show love and affection to. Maybe you should see a psycologist
___________________ said:
Nov 05, 09 at 6:50 pmok wow, i swear if i didnt see your avatar i would have sworn you were writing about me, except for the parent drug and prostitutes etc
But i went through the same phase at one point, trust me, i am also 15, and its just our motherly instincts kicking in, we want something of our own to love and hold, and trust me babe, as much as you want a baby, just wait when your ready, you have to be financially stable and also physically and emotionally strong, cos once you have a baby thats it, your life is based around them.
Since this has been going for a year, i think you actually need to think and break down your reasons, maybe you just need emotional support from parents or your friends or the things you lack in your life, and maybe your compensating it by the thinking having a baby is the only solution.
Remember, to be happy it doesnt necassarily mean having one thing and your instantly happy.
For now, instead of wanting a baby, set goals in your life, for example, your gcses and then if you choose to do further education or get a job just take it in steps, and then once you have a job you can think of having a baby.
dont you think it will be soo much better for a baby to grow up with a parent who is financially ok? i dont want to tell you what to do y because honestly thats all up to your decision, but im just laying out all the consequence and choices you can make.
Think about it carefully, because this might just be a phase your going through.
take care x
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__Happy_Mummy_to___amp__ said:
Nov 05, 09 at 9:59 pmGet a puppy?